Self-Differentiation

Self-Differentiation

Self-Differentiation? Yes. It is one's ability to distinguish where one's self-ends and another's begins. By self, however, I don't just mean one's identity, but also one's responsibilities and choices. 

I would like to break it down as such:

Everyone's actions, words, and emotions are in response to their experience. 

Every experience is made up of two parts; the stimuli and the perspective. 

Thus, many people can see and hear the same movie (the stimuli) but because of their different perspectives, walk away with different experiences. 

While we can not choose another person's perspective, we can influence them through the stimuli we provide. It stands to reason then, that I cannot be responsible for anyone else's experience or perspective; merely the stimuli I provided. Likewise, when we feel anything towards another person, it is entirely our responsibility for the perspective that we choose to have; while they maintain the responsibility for the stimuli to exposed us to. 

Therefore, I am free to reclaim ownership over my own experiences because it is I who chooses my perspective. Furthermore, I am empowered to take ownership of my actions and words, as they are stimuli I have chosen to put into the world and no one else's.  

In retrospect, many of the ineffective relationship behaviors people display are reinforced by blaming other's for one's own emotions, words, and behaviors, and blaming themselves for the choices of others.

At last, I will leave you with this simple idea. We can not be responsible for anyone else, because of their undeniable freedom of choice, but we can not escape the responsibilities we have to other people in the form of the stimuli we expose them to. 

Where do you see this to be true in your own life? Please comment below.